Gharam Smith Diaries

Sitting all alone in my hotel room in Mumbai,still can't believe that Minki bitch dumped me. Now she was gorgeous. Bietjie dom also, but I could relate to that. I'm not the brightest also.

Ey those aloo parathas and Tandoori chicken we had for supper was lekker. Maar ek brand in my gat nog. Anyhows I'm sure there's no Delhi Belly in Mumbai. Ek hoop nie. Eish hierdie mense kan eet. Moosajee en ou Goolam hulle voel niks. Amla eet net bietjie. I'm sure he lussing for bunny chow and all.And the jelebis and burfees-baie baie lekker!

I like this country. And I see there's lotsa soaps in the hotel rooms also. No not lifebuoy, I still bat for South Africa not the other team. I'm talkin bout the ones on the television. Yassis wat kak is Isidingo. I'm into Choti bahu now. Some smart cherries in India I tell you. Think I must hook me up one here. Bitch Minki dumped me. Eish ek brand nog. Where was I? Oh ja the soaps. I sit up all night watching. Think I need to get Indian Bouquet when I go home.

First test on saturday. Hope they don't take the Mickey out of me. Like how I took the Mickey out of South African cricket! Nagpur is the venue. I'm telling you that wicket is gonna turn like how my tummy is now. One Tendulkar fellow can't stop scoring. And that Sehwag can smack it all over. Ek is bang ekse. But I gotta be brave. I'm in charge now. We left that clown Ntini at home. He can't behave also jy weet. Let's see what our lightys can do. We couldn't kill off the Poms at home I hope we can deliver here on the sub continent.

Anyways I'm off to the office now. Good think I stocked up on plenty immodiums and Valpre. And I'll call concierge just now for more toilet paper...